What The Fuck Is The Matter?

Because I have no fucking idea. I'm in an awful mood, you're in an awful mood or.... something? I don't know. Did what I say earlier this week piss you off or freak you out? Do you not want to talk to anyone, or just me? What the fuck is the matter? Some days its like nothing is wrong, and the next thing I know I'm drinking coffee-grounds-soup and being righteously pissed off. i am not in a good place at the moment, I'm angsty I'm sad and pissed and lonely, and I cannot for the life of me find a song that accurately reflects this; at least not one at a loud enough volume. (By loud enough volume, I mean I can literally and permanently damage everything about sense of hearing and quite possibly give myself brain damage that will haunt me long into my adult years) Brent James and the Contraband's "A Little Bit High" comes close. It's got the right words at least

You've been quiet and complicated lately
Been fallin' off the wagon and you can't save me
Make a beeline and pick your poison
And show a little love for the home town boys

I'm a little bit high but I'll come down
Workin' two jobs in this bullshit town
It ain't easy shakin' third shift off
I'm a little bit high, I'm fucking pissed off

Errgh. I am indeed fucking pissed off. A lot of doubts and insecurities at the moment. Girls, goals, grades. What do I want to do with my life? What do I want of the people in my life? What do they want of me? How do I get by with having two- or possible three- friends? Why won't one of them talk to me at the moment? I wish I had been a stereotypical dumb jock. I don't know any of them- I mean, I know people who almost fit the bill, and no one would blame me if I called them that, but let's be honest, if only because it's a novel experience- but from what I gather it would be great. Girls, a built in network of people forced to associate with you and share at least one interest, and everyone knows you're too dumb to plan out your own life so they do it for you. Very nice, I'll take two.