The Consolations of Philosphy

There is a reason I try to stay busy and caffeinated, mostly because if I don't, I have an irrepressible knack for getting myself down. If you couple this with an overall disappointing night, and worrisome outlook, it can be quite a funk. Tonight the culprit- aside from things that actually happened, which are inconsequential and not worth dwelling on- was Jean-Paul Sartre and his works. A French philosopher, he was a noted opponent of determinism (I think). This is itself isn't bad, because determinism is one of the most depressing outlooks a rational being can assume. No, the problem is not limited to M. Sartre's particular philosophy, but is, I think, intrinsic to all philosophy.

Take, for example, determinism. Broadly speaking, it's the idea that your choices, either by fate or chemistry, are predetermined, and that no conscious effort can even be attempted to alter the choices you will make. At first the good and bad (comforting and not comforting) aspects seem obvious. On the one hand, you can't be blamed for anything you do. On the other, you have no free will. But then you try to comfort yourself in the first point again, only to realize that no one else can be blamed for anything that they do, and anyone that's ever harmed you isn't a viable target for vitriol.

I could go on and on down this rabbit hole, but you see might point. For every comfort philosophy offers, it presents two wounds. This is true of all branches of philosophy; you'll never find one that leads to a comforting or "happy" place. Religions are somewhat better, but always promise happiness after unhappiness. Philosophies, religions, and any other attempts to answer "The Big Questions", seem to only show us that no matter what, we are unhappy in the here and now.

This might also be because happy people have better things to do than ponder philosophy and start religions.

Songs For Girls: Katie

Good: You Belong With Me - Taylor Swift

You're on the phone
Your [boy]friend he's upset
Goin' off about somethin' that you said
'Cause he'll never get your humor like I do
[...]
Can't you see that
I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along
So why can't you see
You belong with me

Best: You're Feelin' It Too - Billy Currington

I got feelin', my head is reelin'
My heart's a-screamin'
I'm about to bust loose
Bottled up emotion
More than a notion
It starts with an I
And ends with a You
And I got a feelin'
You're feelin' it, too

Bad: Never Mind Me - Big & Rich

If you see me on the street
Lookin' like I ain't slept in a week
Just keep on walkin' baby

If you find me on the edge
Of a hundred story ledge
Don't try to save me

[...]

Never mind me
I'll be fine just talkin' to myself
Never mind me
Sittin all alone inside my personal hell
I'm doin' just fine

Worst: I Hate Everything - George Strait

I hate my job
And I hate my life
And if it weren't for my two kids
I'd hate my ex wife
I know I should move on
And try to start again
But I just can't get over her
Leavin' me for him
Then he shook his head
Looked at his ring
And said I hate everything

Bitches Be Straight Trippin': A Case Study of Teenage American Females

Maddie

Was my sister's friend. Dated her for what remained of a school year. Told her I loved her at prom. Broke up after she got out of school. She never really liked me.

The Chair

He walked up and he was smiling. At first I was mistrustful, expecting it to be a dime-a-dozen come-on grin. But then the smoky haze parted a bit and I have to admit I had a bit of a chip on my shoulder. He was just friendly. "Well, excuse me," I don't like to admit it, but his deep Texas accent pleased me, as was the fact he was holding a good stein of thick golden beer; of all the stetson wearing, boot knocking, Marlboro men in this bar- in Jersey- he seemed something like the genuine article "but I think you've got my chair." Of course, a regular. He was probably used to this spot, and so was his wife. I should've waited a bit before just picking any old place to sit down. I grabbed my purse and stubbed out the cigarette I'd been smoking. It was cheap, a Newport I think, but I don't know. Something full of tar and nicotine, a smoke that did not fuck around. I turned and was about to go play something on the juke (I'd brought quarters just for the occasion) but he said "You know, that one's taken, I don't mind if you sit here. I'd be glad to share." I did sit back down, and he leaned back, looking around. It was normal for the first five minutes, for both of us to cast about for something . I hoped he wouldn't try for any of that self referential humor crap. I'd always been of the opinion that jokes were for comedians, and that humor should flow from conversation. "Well, it's usually backed here on Friday nights. Oh, if you don't mind could I talk you out of a light?"

"I think you'll find you can." That made him smile again, it was an uninhibited grin that lit up his whole face, boyish almost, although there was nothing young about him.

"Well thank you, could I drink you a buy?" he brought a hand to his face, blushing slightly, but to his credit he didn't look away or make a joke about it, trying to play it cool "Awe listen to me. What I mean is could I buy you a drink? Anything you like."

"A gin fizz, please." as he stood up I looked him over appraisingly. Still young enough, with long muscle from a lifetime of work. I guessed his hands would be wide and calloused and deeply warm. "Thank you." I accepted the drink and took a sip, pleased by the light bubbliness. He had another beer with him, but was walking and speaking steadily enough, so I guessed it was third at most.

"Oh you're welcome, I don't think that I caught your name."

"That's because I didn't give it. I'm Amanda."

"Are you... waiting for someone to meet you here?" He phrased it carefully, not like he was looking for the right thing to say, though, just like he was worried that I would be offended. I was oddly flattered, even though as a woman of the nineties I'm supposed to be insulted by chivalry. At least, I think I am.

"Not yet." I smiled, and put just a bit of my devilishness in it.

"That makes two of us; glad you came." he toasted me with his beer, and I giggled a bit and clinked glasses with him. I don't like giggling, but his damn smile was infectious.

We talked a while, and it turns out he was a regular, for the longest time. I quizzed him about the bar through a second and third gin fizz, and was getting just a bit silly, even though his beer wasn't even half gone.

"No I don't know the name of the band but they're good, aren't they? Would you like to dance?" i nodded and let him take me by the hand onto the dance floor. I felt so small in his grasp, he really was man's man. But he danced with grace and enthusiasm, if not with a lot of experience. He managed to stay off my toes and even pull off a passable spin and dip during a lively number. The band was really very good.

A slow song came up and he pulled me in lightly. I laid my head on his chest, breathing in the smell of him. My hands went lightly to his shoulder. His denim jacket must have been very sturdy and rough at one point, but age and hard wear had made the cotton as light and smooth and soft as velvet. With gin and contentedness, I sighed and lightly kissed his neck. I could feel his tendons move as he smiled. I liked the idea that his whole body smiled when he did, the joy in that expression suffusing his whole being.

"I like this song too, it reminds me of you and me. Baby, do you think there's a chance that-" he hesitated, not wanting to be too bold "- later on, I could drive you home?"

I smiled and nodded and we swayed and spun and laughed and talked a bit longer, and as he held the door to his truck open for me, I thanked him for the ride. "Oh I don't mind at all."

I turned to him and kissed his lips. I couldn't help it. And I felt that smile under my mouth and smiled myself. There was no passion, and precious little romance in the kiss, but it was sweet and long.

"I like you, and I never like anyone."

"Oh, I like you too, and to tell you the truth, that wasn't my chair after all." I laughed and thought about that. Oh, I like you too, and to tell you the truth, that wasn't my chair after all. You can't tell sometimes.

Monsters

Mysterious Minnesota Roadkill Identified



Until it wakes up and tells me otherwise, I will believe it's a chupacabra. And if that fated day should arrive, I hope you'll join me in falling down to worship the naked-Jesus-badger-thing.

First Real Check

The WorldWideWeb application on the NeXT

The WorldWideWeb application on the NeXT

A user guide for the World Wide Web written twenty years ago today as part of the first HTML-based site. Gaze in awe at its monochromatic, unstyled glory. not where it says that gray should be used for links, because they don't yet have color. Words line up right on the browser. There are misspellings and obvious flaws. But this is the web, in its basest form.

Gulp

Data maps mobile civil war between Android, iOS | Crave - CNET



The thing that worries me is that it calls this "civil war" and I live in an iPhone state. Vive Le Android resistance!

Note Taking

Check out "Catch Notes"

If I ever develop a readership, I know some Evernote acolyte will rip me a new one for this, but I prefer it over Evernote. Evernote is huge and huge and bloated and huge. This is diffdrent. It's simple, entirely accessible text capture, but unlike Simplenote it supports voice and image. Some would suggest Dropbox, but Dropbox frankly sucks on a phone. Plus, you can't tag notes in Dropbox. Hail Catch, formerly Three Banana, King of All Notes.

Good Read

Why You'll Only Have to Wait Half as Long for the Materials of the Future [Government]

SGPlus, Google Plus extension for Google Chrome

SGPlus, Google Plus extension for Google Chrome

I can only agree with what was said, the extension is truly excellent for Chrome users

Poems

Part of a new site I'm doing, just a simple collection of my favorite poems. As per the request of a pretty girl, I'll be adding more color to it, but you can see it as it stands here.