Bitches Be Straight Trippin': A Case Study of Teenage Am erican Females

Cait: Wanted to get married, had trust issues, family issues, told me she had cancer, cheated on me twice. More to come.

Google+

It's good, actually. Intuitive, slightly Facebook-esque, and most importantly it's got a really slick UI.

Never

Since when has a little emotional self-flaggelation hurt anybody??

I really wish there were some software that, no matter what web browser I'm using, would redirect me to a page that says "GET OVER HER, DUMBASS" when I tried to visit certain URLs.

Fuck you very much.

Only half of this is about the girl that just dumped me, actually.

LulzSec

LulzSec is actually getting worrying. These guys are apparently the real deal to what Anonymous pretends to be (or, as I've heard postulated, an attempt by the US government to draw.out Anonymous). Not that I have a problem with Anonymous (oh god please don't destroy me) !

LulzSec, if you're reading, patrolling the web like you do, tell me your story! I will be the John the Baptist to.your Jesus, the Peter Parker to your Spiderman.

[UPDATE]

Before today, LulzSec had just been executing brutish DDOS atyacks, something anyone with enough motivation could do. But today they have retrieved and leaked sensitive documents, pertaining to the Arizona border patrol.

Paco Arrives

And.he's weird as hell. He doesn't bark, he doesn't shed, doesn't pee, doesn't growl or bite or beg. I kinda think the tricked us into getting a Fur-Real friend. If he keeps up.with it, though, I'm fine with this dog. Its good for my mom to have someone around the house as well.

Update

I know its been a few days, sorry. But here's what you missed:

• Maddie and I broke up. I'll update about it later, but the bottom line is that she didn't like me
• We got Paco
• I got a job interview at Dow Chemical in Midland. I'm nervous and excited
• There are now four girls in my life:
  1. Brittany: most likely candidate for a rebound girl
  2. Brittney: sort of a friend with benefits
  3. Courtney: an old friend I might be falling for
  4. Jesika: unknown

Fire And Ice -Robert Frost

This is a very American poem in my mind; at least the last two lines are impossible to hear in any but an American voice.

Some say the world will end in fire;
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.

Paco

First Time

I just blue screened for the first time.

Tools

Jesus was a carpenter neh? So would all of his carpentry tools be all like.... Jesus-magic?? I mean, supposedly his the cup he drank out of ONCE is, so....? I don't really know how Jesus magic works.

The Urge To Jump

In the last Pirates of the Caribbean movie, Johnny Depp asks of the other characters "You know how when you're standing in a high place... and you get the urge to jump??"

I was thinking about this when I stumbled across some YouTube videos about Free Soloing.

Like this one.

Watching that, I felt sick, I felt scared even watching it. Even sitting at my desk, I was afraid that if I moved too much I'd fall. The falling would be fine- that was the damnedest thing, the falling wouldn't bother me.And the end would come too quick.

Think on that a bit, how easy it would be to let it all go. A little loosening of the muscles in yourr hand, that's not a suicide. That's a moment's curiosity. That's... one slip. It terrified me, how easily I knew I could let go. I'm not suicidal... I don't want to die. But I am curious, what it would be like to be on those mountains and just let go.

How Harry Potter Would Actually Work

Tonight, I'll be rethinking the Harry Potter series following all the rules J.K. Rowling has set for her world, save one; my protagonists will not be monumental morons. Since there are so many things that can go wrong in each, I'll be offering three alternatives for each

• Harry Potter and the Adults That Might As Well Not Be There (Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone):
  
  1. 
     Voldemort decides to kill people with a knife, or a snake, or by stupefying them and dropping them out of a window, because he's heard the word prophecy before and he's not functionally retarded.
     
  2. 
     Harry, Hermione and Ron tell Professor McGonagall that they think Snape is trying to steal the Sorcerer's Stone. On the off chance they're right, she elects to confront Snape. He tells her his suspicions about Quirrel. They kick ass, and probably have sex.
     
  3. 
     Quirrel brings a knife, stabs Harry After he realize Harry has the Stone. (I shouldn't need to mention the simplicity of stabbing twice)
     
• Harry Potter and the Time When No One Could Add Two and Two (Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets):
  
  1. 
     Harry and Ron celebrate the fact that they don't have to go to school for a little longer, hang out an extra day while they wait for the Hogwarts Express, do not steal flying car.
     
  2. 
     Someone notices Harry is a Parseltongue, and seems to be controlling the attacks, uses deductive reasoning to figure out that it's a Basilisk. In ten minutes everyone in the castle has mirrored sunglasses. Someone notices Ginny Weasley is nowhere to be found when spooky events occur. Takes her for psychological counseling. While under observation, everyone notices she's possessed.
     
  3. 
     Gilderoy Lockhart doesn't tell Harry and Ron he's about to obliviate them, instead agrees to go with them immediately, allows them first out of his office, and hits them with it from behind.
     
• Harry Potter and the Fact That Time Travel Is Too Useful A Plot Device So We'll Just Forget It, Shall We (Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban):
  
  1. 
     Sirius Black gets a lawyer and explains the situation. The lawyer cleverly persuades the Wizard Court to question Dumbledore. Everyone is happy, and the manhunt for Pettigrew continues.
     
  2. 
     Lupin shows the map as evidence that Peter Pettigrew is alive. Sirius Black is absolved and the manhunt ensues.
     
  3. 
     Harry finds out about Time Turners, goes back to the past, explains to his mother and father what's happening, and they make Sirius their Secret Keeper instead. Harry then realizes things could be even easier, and time turners to when Voldemort was a kid and murders the shit out of him, and leaves himself a note saying that he must do this, avoiding the whole "if you went back and changed things, you wouldn't go back in the real present and change things" paradox.
     
  4. 
     Everyone uses Time Turners for everything. Seriously, fucking EVERYTHING.
     
• Harry Potter and the Sticking To Rules Too Much (Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire)
  
  1. 
     They don't make Harry participate just because of a glitch with the Goblet; he could die dammit!
     
  2. 
     The single human guard at the gate of Azkaban recognizes that Barty Crouch Jr. isn't the old woman that walked in, stops everything to check.
     
  3. 
     Everyone is questioned under Veritiserum about everything. Seriously, no more mystery! It's done!
     
• Harry Potter and the All Wizards Have Year Long Memories (Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix)
  
  1. 
     Harry is questioned under Veritiserum about what happened with his breach of magical secrecy. (Seriously, especially in courts they should be required to do shots of this stuff before friggin' everything)
     
  2. 
     Someone recognizes that Harry and Dumbledore have been right about basically everything for the past fifteen years, calls Fudge an idiot.
     
  3. 
     Harry uses the mirror Sirius gives him to talk to his godfather, solving both of their loneliness problems, neatly resolving the plot without death or violence, and probably leading to some kind of semi-incestual wizard Skype-sex.
     
• Harry Potter and the Needlessly Awkward Attraction (Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince)
  
  1. 
     Veritiserum + Malfoy = one plot point resolved
     
  2. 
     Snape and Dumbledore sit down and tell Harry their plan. Harry pouts for a few days, sees sense, and helps.
     
  3. 
     Malfoy uses trickery, hires Muggle to kill Dumbledore from 1000 yards with a high powered rifle, kills Muggle.
     
• Harry Potter and the Fact That Only England Exists (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows)
  
  1. 
     Dumbledore requests the aid of the American Secretary of Magic, French Ministress of Magic, and every-fucking-one else. They and their armies go door to door in an afternoon, finding Horcruxes, Voldemort and illegal weapons.
     
  2. 
     Snape performs Petrificus Totalis on Voldemort (remember, Voldemort can't read his mind and Snape can do non-verbal spells) and gives him a lobotomy, so he's still alive (soul still trapped) but unable to do anything.
     
  3. 
     Voldemort drops on of his Horcruxes into the ocean, and releases the snake into the jungles of Cambodia.
     
And seriously, time turners. Just use them.

Showering With Tools

Yeah, we have to use these pink pliers to turn on our shower. Ghetto as hell.

Banana Game

The banana game is a simple car game that has caused more death than any fruit based entertainment ever. Here are the rules so you can play with your family!

Objective:
When you see a yellow car, you yell "Banana!" and hit the other occupants in the a car.

Rules:
You may only hit a person once.

You may not use the same vehicle twice.

You may use the same vehicle that another person uses, but may not hit a person who hit you.

Bikes count.

School buses and construction vehicles do not count.

Any infraction results in a double hit.

What Sinatra Knew

There are those who can leave love or take it

Love to them is just what they make it

I wish that I were the same

But love is my fav'rite game

I fall in love too easily

I fall in love too fast

I fall in love too terribly hard

For love to ever last

My heart should be well-schooled

'Cause I've been fooled in the past

And still I fall in love too easily

I fall in love too fast



Ah my man, Sinatra. He knew things, one of the wise men of any generation. Sinatra knew heartache, Sinatra knew love. Sinatea knew class and he knew how to get some ass, if you'll allow me to be a poet. Sinatra knew a lot of things. I fall in love too easily

I Try Writing A Lot

I try writing fantasy/fiction all the time. I don't consider myself good at it, really. A good storyist, yes, but a being a good writer takes more than knowing how to say exactly what you want to say. I dont have the patience or attention span for real writing. Sometimes, though. I get ideas and I think "fuck that'd be cool t'were it a book" Mostly if I can't read it, I want to write it. Here are some of my current obsessions.

• Merlin: the big one, a fascinating character that I think of as the epitome of humanity in a magical world
• The merger of magic and technology: I see no reason that they couldn't get along perfectly well
• Individualism and Humanism: I don't think you can ever pick a more noble protagonist than a human individual.
• Swords: swords are the badassest weapon, bar none

And When I Die

I'm not scared of dying,

And I don't really care.

If it's peace you find in dying,

Well then let the time be near.

If it's peace you find in dying,

And if dying time is here,

Just bundle up my coffin


I hear that its cold way down their.

Yeah, crazy cold way down their



It's a question that has plagued man for long centuries; what happens when you die? Your standard religious answer is the good people go to a good place, the bad people go to a bad place. Atheists will tell you that consciousness ceases. Optimists say this sucks, pessimists say it doesn't.

So this is my blog and I should say what I believe; I don't believe I'll ever die. I'm sorry maybe I'm narcissistic, but I can't imagine a world that goes on without me. In fact I know I'm narcissistic; it's always difficult if not impossible for me to think of other people's motivations and thoughts.

I guess what I'm saying is that science better hurry up because I can't die; if the rest of you want to to ride my coattails, that's fine, the more the merrier. I'll even ride the coattails of someone else if need be. I can't die though.

If I do end up dying- although trust me, the universe doesn't work that way- I suppose it'll just be here one second, nothing the next. Not blackness, but utter cessation.

If I'm wrong on that front as well, then I suppose I'm going to hell.

I imagine it'll be cold.

Chicks Dig Singers

Chicks dig singers. Look at Beiber, he gets more pussy than anyone and he's sixteen and a douche.

 His girlfriend is hotter than any girl you'll ever hire.

Sometimes

9lessons Programming Blog: Geo Location with HTML5 and Jquery

It seems that EXACTLY the tutorial I need isn't published until months and months later. Oh well, prohect revisiting.

I Would Pay $1,000,000,000...

... for someone to bring me these whenever and where ever I need them. 7 of these in a 20oz black coffee is doing it for me.

Spiders

TO ALL SPIDERS:

Here's the deal, you know that I hate you, I know you hate me. But fate is a fickle mistress, it seems we have a common enemy. I offer a truce, for three months.

The terms of this truce are simple: you eat all the mosquitoes around me, and I won't squish you. After that we get back to our normal lives, and I shall laugh at your broken webs, but there can be peace between us for a while.

Five Loaves and Good Luck

Meatloaf and Potatoes for 200

Ingredients
25 lbs cheap, bulk ground beef
1 dzn eggs
4 loaves bread
Mustard
Ketchup
Worstishire Sauce

The night before serving, break all of your meat into roughly equal five pound bunches. Feel superior because you're preparing the night before, being all smart and stuff. Grab one of your bunches of meat (no puns, ple-... well, okay make any pun you want) and crack three eggs over it. In a mixing bowl, should have mentioned. Rip up about six slices of bread- smaller than that, idiot- into your meat mix. Dump some of each of your wet ingredients (you should be able to figure them out, go ahead, try!) on top. Here comes the fun, take your hands and just start mashing the meat and eggs and bread and shit together. It feels cool doesn't it? Like gross but viscerally satisfying? Yeah, you know what I mean. Anyways, do it for the others as well, and then cover and refrigerate them and get a good night's sleep.

Later in bed think to yourself "Shit I forgot to do anything for the potatoes. Oh well it can't be hard, they're instant mix." Go to sleep anyway, confident in your abilities.

Wake up and go over to the soup kitchen after awkwardly loading a ton of meat into your car. Drive back for the potatoes because your dad was right you  just don't think sometimes. Now you're running a little late, but you're still fine, right?

At the soup kitchen, you can't help but notice the ovens are taking a helluva long time heating up. You've got like three hours.

Grab a baking sheet and pick up the nine others that fall when you pull it down. Look around casually whilst you hope with all of your heart that no one saw. You're supposed to be the cook dammit. Your Little League coach apparently knew what he was talking about when he demanded you stay home for the Championship; you just can't perform come crunch time kid. Banish the voices, get back to work.

You shaped your meat into a few loaves (I can hear you immature readers giggling) and stuck them on the pan, which then went in the oven. You even manage to turn it on to an approximation of the right temperature!! Now to tackle the potatoes. Reading the box as you walk to the pantry, curse yourself for not getting help. The older, more experienced volunteers said they'd come help, but you had it under control, right genius?

Realize that the recipe calls for real butter. Margarine is better for the homeless anyway. Realize the recipe calls for chives. Well fuck them, this ain't a five star restaurant, they didn't need chives. Realize you're a dick.

Back in your borrowed kitchen (dammit, you need to clean up sometime soon, things are approaching dangerous) start whipping all the potato ingredients together like a mad man. Your arm is sore isn't it? Yeah, take it easy, its fine! You've still got.... holy crap only an hour left! Time to build some muscle.

Pull the meatloaf out of the oven, put the taters in. The meatloaf is kinda.... mushed I guess, but the meat thermometer says that temperature is right, full steam ahead!

One of the other volunteers has arrived, and even though she's about a bajillion years old, her coming is like the sound of a redeeming angel. She mentions you should have planned a salad, or at least some fruit for the kids. Restrain yourself from killing her and adding her to the meatloaf and instead set her to putting up folding chairs.

Wow she's setting up a lot of friggn' chairs. There can't be that many people coming, can there? Why so many homeless?! Wasn't Obama supposed to fix the economy?! Stop worrying about him, start worryjng about yourself. Your meatloaf is lookin' awful small (that's just too obvious, go make your jokes). Slice it thin, then.

More people are coming in and you feel oddly territorial. This is your place, dagnabbit. But they're complimenting your potatoes, so they can't be all bax, and its nice to have help, you can stand still for a second and ponder this clusterfuck. You hear the old lady say that it was a shame there were no chives. Tell yourself repeatedly that killing an elderly female volunteer for a soup kitchen would get you sent to hell by pretty much any religion.

Your meatloaf is being served and yiu feel proud.

Twenty minutes later you frantically microwave hotdogs because they ran outbof meatloaf and you had to run to 7-11 and buy them.

Four hours later you vow to never do charity again.

Season with vodka and tears to taste.

There Is A Comic....

..... known as xkcd (without the caps unless you're an idiot).

It's simply charming, with a minimalistic feel, simple black and white stick figures cavorting around their world, but you grow to know and love them (I like Black Hat Guy but just as a friend).

The power is in the words, sometimes humor, sometimes deep insight into the way as a society interact, or blinding philosophical truths that cannot be summed up in mere text, but take the gentle guiding hand of a cartoonist to be faced squarely.

This is comic #245 and is the single truest thing ever.

I do this all the fucking time

It Would Be The Best Idea

Best idea I've ever had. I've stopped following you blogs, and I'm not following you on Twitter. I've defriended you on Facebook and I've deleted every picture of you. I don't talk to your friends and I avoid parties you'd be at. I can go days and days without thinking about you.

But seriously, fuck you. I want you gone and away and fucking out of my life. If you could just drop off the face of the Earth, Katie Davis, that would be perfect.

One of these nights I promise I'll get veeeery drunk and tell you all the whole story. Honestly, the whole thing, the first time I told anyone it, with all the secondary characters and everything. Tonight I'm just whiny.

Summer

Its the perfect song on the radio

sing along cause its one you know

its a smile

it's a kiss

it's a simple wine

it's summertime


80 degrees and sunny. Bring on the iced tea.

I've Fallen Among Rednecks

The Only Way To Go Down

We're going down, down in an earlier round

And Sugar, we're going down swinging

I'll be your number one witha bullet

A loaded God complex, cock it and pull it

The Rugrats: Hell's Bargain

In this lost episode of the hit children's show "the Rugrats", Stu Pickles' plumbs the depths of toy making, visiting a museum of the history of toys. While there he steals the doll on display, claiming to be the most interesting toy in the world. He brings it home and thinks to begin tinkering with it after a night's sleep.

Meanwhile, his one year old son Tommy is having a slumber party with his neighbors Phil and Lil and his best friend Chucky.

The doll comes to life, and transforms the basement workshop into an unworldly hell of blood and metal and tortured screams from throats just out of sight. It brings the babies down and calls the parents to the door. They have one hour to choose a baby to die, or all of them will suffer in this hell forever.

What will the parents do? Can the evil doll be trusted? Watch as the bonds of friendship and sanity are put to the ultimate test, and as parents ask a child to make the ultimate sacrifice.

I Have A Roommate, Apparently

Austin Dryer, Northwood. Registered for classes and everything today.

The Internet Will Save or Damn Us

Comic for June 3, 2011

Tired

Ooh you know that feeling I'm talking about, boys and girls. That bone deep weariness, those stinging eyes and numb hands, and your brain burns like a well used muscle, does it sound familiar? If it doesn't you're missing out because it is the best feeling in the world, better than love and sex doesn't even come close. it comes from that deep place inside that Freud called the id and prophets called the voice of God. That place that only reacts, wants, and takes. It's a powerful feeling and it's driven everything from the Renaissance to WWI and its sequel (better storyline than the original, I thought, and better effects). Call it the fire of the damned.

Oh

Oh let it rock, let it roll,

let the Bible Belt come and save my soul

One of My Sites

---

This is one of he sites I made that I like best everything except for the jQuery and jQuery UI library (which I use Google to host) is hand coded.

---

My favorite part part is the itinerary planner, which pulls from a MySQL database. Well, here, take a look

[div] //this is the events list
{
    [ul]//just a container for the links
    {
    [a]
    [a]//these are the headers and the links for the tabbed conatiners, I'm using a #target internal link to make them visible when it's clicked
    [a]
    }
    [ul id='events']//this is populated by list items that are of the type EVENT in my database
    {
         [li]//every list item has the non-standard attribute PRICE, which means I can manipulate it much easier than through a Javascript object
    }

    [ul id='restaurant']//this is populated by list items that are of the type RESTAURANT in my database

    {

         [li]

    }

    [ul id='other']//this is populated by list items that are of the type OTHER in my database

    {

         [li]

    }

}

So it's just a matter of getting the balls to use non standard elements.

---

The other thing I really like is the full screen background. I have to thank my friends at CSS Tricks for this one, on the grounds that without them I would have had no idea bout the Internet Explorer filter that allows it to really work.

My Life

Things I Like

• I like to-do lists. I like simple ones, but that's only because if I do complex ones, I'm always tinkering and I never actually use them. Google Tasks is good, especially since it syncs to my phone really well.  Nice and simple, even if I sometimes wish it had more features. 
• I like Google products, now that I mention it. I use Chrome, I use Google Voice, I have an Android phone, my e-mail is all G-mail. And of course I use Blogger.
• I like my girl, Maddie Franz. I think I love her, but I also think I'm probably wrong about that. She's teaching me not to care about such things though. 
• I like being a gentleman, using manners, letting ladies go through doors first, saying sir and ma'am. Even to my peers, its damned impressive.
• I like duality, which I think of as a joyful union of opposites. Like a high-tech computer on top of an antique desk.
• I like games I'm good at. If I suck at a game, I generally don't try to get better, I just abandon it.
• I like my work, which at the moment is web design and development. I don't know how good I am, but I really freaking like it. I like getting in the zone.
• I like writing, although I've never finished a damn thing I've started.
• I like amateur porn (not my own, which is gross)
• I like flirting. I'm good at it too, I'm not so good at getting past flirting, but as for making a girl blush and giggle and getting her phone number, I'm the best.
• I like Stephen King and Dean Koontz books (they aren't the same no matter what people say, I think Koontz only dips his bare toe into the supernatural, and only occasionally and obliquely)
• I like my gadgets. I use a netbook (my primary computer) (an Acer Aspire One if you need to know), a last-generation Nook, and my phone (a Samsung Captivate, rooted and running Cyanogenmod 7)
• I like being invited to things. I'm not good at taking the initiative.
• I like people that aren't good at making friends, because I'm not, and I feel like we reach an understanding. 
• I like my sleep.

Today I Made Lemonade

Today I made lemonade. I learned how to make a simple sugar (equal parts sugar and water, bring to boil) and that is one of the basic things, the ones that unlock bigger possibilities. It's like learning how to select a list item in an unordered list in css, or a simple joke; its a small thing, but it doesn't matter, because it's a platform you build off of. I think if you learn enough of these little tricks, life becomes easier. I think it might be the only way to make things easier. I think you can take the sum of human learning and it would just be a series of steps to just make things simpler. For all our intelligence, we just want things to be easier and as a species be able to look at one thing and say "There, this holds no more secrets for us."

Also I added some raspberry jam to the syrup, it was delicious and added some color.

[fruit flavor] lemonade
-1/2 cup sugar
-1/2 cup water
-3 tbsp. [fruit flavor] jam
-1/2 cup lemon juice
-2 cups water (I know I mentioned it, but it'll be ok, I pinky swear)

syrup=BOIL(water[.5 cup], sugar);
flavored_syrup=MIX(syrup, jam);
lemonade_syrup=MIX(flavored_syrup, lemon_juice);
glass_of_lemonade[2]=MIX(water, lemonade_syrup);